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Tariffs and Tiny Dinosaurs and How to Respond to Bad Behaviour

Writer's picture: Dana SprouleDana Sproule

One night last week, my son grabbed his “treasure box” before bed. It’s a wooden box that holds all the tiny things you collect when you’re four. 


He opened the lid, froze, and slammed it shut. He angled his body so I couldn’t see the box. Subtle, kid.


Me: What’s in there?


4: Nothing.


Me: Seems like something you don’t want me to see. Remember, no secrets from Mama.


4: Well…


He opened the lid to reveal a tiny, plastic T-Rex. 


Me: Oh, he’s cute!


4: Well…this is NOT the T-Rex from Church! It is NOT the same one. It does look similar…but this is a different one. 


(The children’s table at Church has a bin of cars, which happens to include one tiny, plastic dinosaur. He fits perfectly on a tiny quad and in a tiny jeep. He is very popular.)



Me: Oh. I didn’t know we had one like that. (Pause) You’re sure you didn’t bring it home from Church?


4: Nope! I did not. This is just similar. Not the same.


Me:  I guess we’ll be able to check next week. Do you think the T-Rex at Church will still be there?


4: Could be. Who knows? He could have got lost.


_____________________


Do you remember stealing when you were a kid? Something small that you just couldn’t live without?


I pocketed a tiny baby from my teenage cousins’ bin of abandoned Barbies. I was eight and had never seen anything so adorable in my life! 


Eventually, my conscience kicked in. I confessed and my Mom made me return it in the mail. I was mortified.


The next week, a thick envelope arrived from Aunt Helen. She thanked me for my honesty and asked if I would please consider this baby doll a gift and take care of it. 


I cried just typing that story. So generous.


_______________________


One of the most common issues my clients bring to coaching is how to deal with someone else’s problem behaviour. 


A colleague said something sharp and offensive. A direct report keeps lying. Someone is doing shoddy work. 


Because they're human, they get mad. Or offended. Or hurt. And, by the time they get to coaching, they’re plotting some kind of revenge. 


I always ask, “What did that behaviour mean to you?”


The answers vary, but usually sound like: “They don’t respect me.” “They don’t care about our work!” “They’re taking advantage of me.” “They’re trying to ruin this!”


It’s easy to assume the worst of people when we’re hurt.


Our instinct is to respond in kind. Send an angry email. Give them a piece of your mind. Write them up. Fire them.


Parents are the same. When we see our children doing things they shouldn’t (like stealing a tiny dinosaur and lying about it), we assume the worst and we want to teach them a lesson.


Here’s the thing: Motives are almost never malicious.


One of my core values is the belief that everyone is doing the best they can with what they have. 


And it really changes how I approach situations where I don’t like what someone else has done.


I don’t assume disrespect, defiance, or lack of integrity. I don’t try to figure out how to teach them a lesson.


Instead, I assume anxiety, ignorance, pain, or misunderstanding. And I try to figure out how I can help.


This week has been just awful, hasn’t it? Reading the Executive Orders. Waiting for the tariffs to take effect. Plane crashes. Security breaches. 


We are all bracing for impact. We are under such immense pressure. We are angry. We are scared. 


That will have an impact on behaviour. 


This is the time to show up - as a boss, and a parent - as the best version of yourself. Check in with your people. Assume the best of everyone. Don’t take things personally. Be curious. Be generous. Address things directly and gently. 


We need leaders now who are safe, strong, and compassionate. Who see whole people, worthy of love, capable of change, deserving of second chances.


In the face of tremendous stress and tension, how do you want to show up? Who do you want to be?


_______________________


In case you’re wondering about the dinosaur, here’s what happened:


At the end of the service, I asked my son if the dinosaur was there. He rummaged in the bin, then looked at me.


4: It’s good.


Me: What does that mean? Is the dinosaur there or not?


4: Everything’s okay. Don’t worry.


Me: Come here, please.


I pulled him close to me and spoke quietly.


Me: I love you a lot. And I think that, last week, you were having so much fun with that dinosaur that you just really wanted to take him home. So you hid him in your treasure box. And now you feel bad about that, so you don’t know what to do. But, my love, you can always tell me the truth. Nothing is so awful that you can’t tell me about it.


4: Well…okay. That is what happened. And I think I just have to bring the dinosaur back here next week.


Me: That is a very good idea. That’s exactly what we’ll do. I’m proud of you for telling me the truth. Thank you. Let’s go downstairs now and get some cookies.


I’m not a perfect parent, but I was pretty proud of this moment. 


We can all do this, as parents and as leaders. We can prioritize relationships, and address behaviour directly, and with empathy. We can help people grow.


And, when we do that, we create space for people to become the best version of themselves. 


__________________________


It is more important now than ever to have someone in your corner, helping you live out your values and lead with compassion. 


If you’re struggling with how to process what’s going on in the world, and how to show up for the ones you love, I can help. 


Book a free Discovery Call and let’s talk about who you want to be.

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Invitado
10 hours ago

That was great!! Good work Momma!! You are a great Mom, and your son is lucky to have you!!

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